Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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