I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
