Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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