I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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