Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
