Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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