Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
