Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
