We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
