I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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