threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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