We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
