Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
