I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
