I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
