Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
