That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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