franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
