my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
