i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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