She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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