ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
