Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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