Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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