and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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