I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
