Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize