her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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