I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
