i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
