just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It's official drugs can't kill me
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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