at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
