it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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