k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
