So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
tell me about the eggs
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
