I wish I could teleport
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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