They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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