Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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