I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
