GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize