just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
