Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
