I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I want to be your penis for a week.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
