guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
