I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
