I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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