Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
