I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
