Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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