i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
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I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
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