Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
