I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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