Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
