so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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