watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
foreskin is a definite game changer
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
