I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize