If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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