rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
