there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
