It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I understand Curling. That high.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
