okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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