I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize