Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
